kaira_scum: Effy Stonem from Skins (UK) smoking a cigarette (depression)
I am so fucking tired. I am tired of this fucking city and the people in it. Fuck Philadelphia. Before I moved here, everyone said how philly is chill and people mind their business....yeah not quite. Tell me why my partner gets harassed whenever she leaves the house just because she is trans. Tell me why our fucking neighbors talk about her and say they want to beat her up and don't want their "kids around that." Go fuck yourself. I want to be out of this city, but I'm stuck here for two more god damn years and I am so anxious and so depressed. I don't know how to cope. I don't have money. I'm fucking broke as shit. Maklin is suffering because of me and the only way I fucking cope is with alcohol and a tissue box. It's all just so heavy and what is even the fucking point? It's not like the world is going to be around long enough to see any kind of change. I just want to live in a world where my partner can be confident in a skirt and not have to worry about random asses saying and yelling shit at them in the street or threatening to hurt/kill them solely because they exist. People disgust me. And how am I even supposed to help? It's not like I can say or do anything to help Maklin feel better. They already said that if they get beaten up that they are leaving and never coming back. And like, where is my support? I carry so fucking much and all I want is to live happily with my partner but I can't even do that because people can't mind their own fucking business. I could kill someone right now. If the bitch that said they would go full-throttle on my partner was before me I would stab her. Your bigotry and transphobia are more harmful to your wack ass children than my partner ever would be. Go fuck yourself bitch. Go fuck yourself Philadelphia.
kaira_scum: Conor Oberst (anxiety)
I honestly don't know where my head is right now. Mak is in such a bad place and most of me wants to be there and help them get through this depressive and self-destructive bout, but the other part of me wants to focus on me and my health. I love them so much and I'm tired of crying and tired of spending all our time together comforting them. I want to be comforted. I need to be loved too. I know it's selfish. I worry about them. They talk about not being real and not caring anymore. They are so close to getting help through HRT next week. I don't want them to give up. I love them so much. I can feel them slipping away.
kaira_scum: Katya Zamolodchikova sticking out her tongue (bleh)
i've gotten to the point where organizing my email is a fun activity

bleh

Dec. 10th, 2016 11:39 pm
kaira_scum: Katya Zamolodchikova sticking out her tongue (bleh)
finals are killing me and i sobbed all the way through the office and now that i'm done i'm so sad and idk maybe i'll get over it soon idk i want the jim and pam fairytale romance

debate

Sep. 27th, 2016 02:35 pm
kaira_scum: Conor Oberst wearing a Deport Conor Oberst shirt and holding up a "Because Capitalism" sticker (Politics)
the debate last night got me fired up. my twitter was full of my anger and others' anger. I cannot see how people think trump 'started off well' when he didn't even prepare. I'm angry that people say they aren't being sexist against hillary because a black man was elected president. How about people value their sexism more than their racism. i don't like hillary, but i am with her. She is as problematic as most politicians, but she is our best bet if we want this country to survive. If he is elected the economy will collapse and we will have no external allies except putin which is more of a nightmare than an alliance. Even doing a protest vote will not help. Presidents are not elected by just the popular vote, but the internal vote. Some states don't even have other options on the ballot. I like Jill Stein, sure, but she is not going to win fam. Everyone knows how a pie chart works, if you add more to her triangle and less to hillary's, trump's is only going to get bigger and bigger. And I am scared because i do not know what will happen to me, my friends, my community....if trump wins no one knows what will happen and if you think it's bad now, it will only get worse. i mean for fuck's sake he thinks china is behind global warming how can anyone support that horse shit
kaira_scum: Effy Stonem from Skins (UK) smoking a cigarette (depression)
i want to be a better person, not so weak
kaira_scum: Rook and I seeing Planet of the Apes in theaters!!!!!!! They're so cute I can't take it. (rook)
I finally finished a stoner!harry fanfic I promised to Rook. I really hope they like it...it took me forever to finish.

Fic: http://archiveofourown.org/works/7813927
kaira_scum: Conor Oberst (anxiety)
I think I need to go to therapy again. My commitment issues keep flaring up even though I know that I'm not in a bind at all. It's all so confusing. I wish I didn't have these problems. I'm happy and then the next second I'm leaving relationships for no reason. I just feel alone all the time and when I try to fix it I can't believe that it will last. I think I really need to do some introspection on why I act like this. It reminds me of a bright eyes song...god i'm fucked

rambles

Aug. 15th, 2016 02:27 am
kaira_scum: Katya Zamolodchikova sticking out her tongue (bleh)
just ordered manic panic white makeup to look more goth and to actually lighten my foundation so i can match my pale af skin. I'm going to try and do a makeup tutorial for tomorrow so i actually look decent when i see my lord and savior katya zamolodchikova

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kaira_scum: Kairi from Kingdom Hearts holding out her hand (Default)
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