I honestly don't know where my head is right now. Mak is in such a bad place and most of me wants to be there and help them get through this depressive and self-destructive bout, but the other part of me wants to focus on me and my health. I love them so much and I'm tired of crying and tired of spending all our time together comforting them. I want to be comforted. I need to be loved too. I know it's selfish. I worry about them. They talk about not being real and not caring anymore. They are so close to getting help through HRT next week. I don't want them to give up. I love them so much. I can feel them slipping away.
the debate last night got me fired up. my twitter was full of my anger and others' anger. I cannot see how people think trump 'started off well' when he didn't even prepare. I'm angry that people say they aren't being sexist against hillary because a black man was elected president. How about people value their sexism more than their racism. i don't like hillary, but i am with her. She is as problematic as most politicians, but she is our best bet if we want this country to survive. If he is elected the economy will collapse and we will have no external allies except putin which is more of a nightmare than an alliance. Even doing a protest vote will not help. Presidents are not elected by just the popular vote, but the internal vote. Some states don't even have other options on the ballot. I like Jill Stein, sure, but she is not going to win fam. Everyone knows how a pie chart works, if you add more to her triangle and less to hillary's, trump's is only going to get bigger and bigger. And I am scared because i do not know what will happen to me, my friends, my community....if trump wins no one knows what will happen and if you think it's bad now, it will only get worse. i mean for fuck's sake he thinks china is behind global warming how can anyone support that horse shit
I think I need to go to therapy again. My commitment issues keep flaring up even though I know that I'm not in a bind at all. It's all so confusing. I wish I didn't have these problems. I'm happy and then the next second I'm leaving relationships for no reason. I just feel alone all the time and when I try to fix it I can't believe that it will last. I think I really need to do some introspection on why I act like this. It reminds me of a bright eyes song...god i'm fucked